The North Dakota Republican Party put all of their gold coins on the Camarillo White Horse in the 5th race on the 7th fairway.

“North Dakotans elected President Trump because he promised to enact policies that would improve our economy, make our country safer, and improve the lives of folks here at home,” said North Dakota GOP Chairman Kelly Armstrong. — Dunn County Extra

I see. A series of Trump promises clinched the three electoral votes.
“Chairman Armstrong and local GOP leaders highlighted the importance of electing North Dakota officials willing to implement President Trump’s agenda.” — Dunn County Extra

Does anyone know what Trump’s agenda is?

“Armstrong argued the strengthening national economy and job growth since President Donald Trump took office demonstrates his “agenda of making American great again is working, and it’s working in North Dakota.” — Bismarck Tribune

Well, that’s not true, but it is the Trump era.

State Sen. Kelly Armstrong of Dickinson, chairman of the state Republican Party, said North Dakota is a conservative state and we deserve elected officials who represent our values.” — Bismarck Tribune

We do.

So, the North Dakota Republican Party bends their knee to the mad king and pledges fealty to the 71 year old child.

Bold move, on the part of the North Dakota Republicans, to latch unabashedly to the 16 foot “Made in Bangladesh” red silk necktie of Donnie John. Because he exemplifies North Dakota “values.” Does he?

It’s especially gutsy, considering Trump’s first few months of tweeting and yelling at the wind and passing cars. I can’t even imagine how many more lies, and failures, 45 will rack up in the next 14 months.

Of course, there are pluses to marrying your party to a sociopathic narcissist. If you’re selling your soul to the Prince of Darkness’s half wit brother-in-law, there better be.

The statute of limitations has solved Trump’s p**** grabbing assaults, and his walking through the dressing rooms of teen girls was just creepy, although it should be a felony. So, the grabber isn’t technically a sex offender. Whew! The grabber isn’t technically a sex offender, would look great on a bumper sticker or t-shirt. Maybe a hat.

It will be cheap to repair Texas and Louisiana, after the hurricane Harvey disaster, since Trump has this silly habit of not paying contractors. One less thing to worry about. Hopefully, nobody catches on before Florida needs remodeling. And Oregon, Idaho, and Montana burn to the ground. Trump likes states that don’t burn to the ground, or get 5 feet of rain on his vacation. Losers.

And, even though storms are becoming more frequent and violent, due to warmer oceans and air temperatures, it doesn’t matter, because Donnie John doesn’t believe in global warming, which matches up nicely with the science denial of the North Dakota Republican Party, and their shills. He actually seems to be taking pride in the record breaking scale of the storms.

We can easily afford another $500 billion, or a trillion dollars, more in disaster expenses per year. Coal jobs have been saved, though, by golly. I think five. Maybe six. The market for skinny chickens still hasn’t recovered.

It turns out that kicking 800,000 young people out of America, and deporting them to a country where they have never lived is “compassionate,” which a saleable word, as opposed to “cruel,” which makes Republican values seem mean. Trump has the best words. Lucky that.

Donnie can get the best deals on foreign made Tiki torches. Great deals. And when the midnight parade has finished, and the town is officially terrorized, the bamboo novelty items can be repurposed to light up the next synagogue on the list. They are reusable and make great gifts for your more paranoid and bigoted constituents.

Trump came. He saw. He proclaimed North Dakota to have 5,634,000 citizens, which breaks a record and will put strain on all government services, which calls for another tax cut for the oil companies, which the ND GOP denies doing, but we wrote it down. On good quality paper. They did it, at the expense of the people who actually live here. Sad.

Teleprompters are great again. Trump chooses to watch TV on them, though, which lowers their effectiveness.
The president comes pre-tinted, ready for any occasion, where looks aren’t an issue. And should you get trapped in an elevator with the loco hombre, his hair can be weaved into a 60 foot ladder.

Don John has been keeping our sole congressman pleased. For perverse political reasons, Kevin Cramer latched onto the juicy rear end of the lumpen KFC fed beast like a leech several years ago, and suctions in the rich plasma by the quart. It keeps him off the streets at night.
Birds nests have made a comeback as headwear. The loser birds aren’t happy. Sad.

Alternate facts are the in thing because of 45, and he’ll sell you a dozen Trump brand facts for the low low price of $1,995. Tell a lie, over and over, and there is no downside, as long as it is Trump authorized.

It’s hard to be humble when you’re Trumpian in every way. Boasting about your wealth and your great stuff, or your sweet parking spot, used to be frowned upon in this state. No more. Brag away. You may get punched out quite often, until everyone learns the new rules, and then by people who don’t care for the new rules, but keep it up…

Intellect is out, so no worries if some N.D. lawmakers haven’t had much book lernin’. “We’re doing everything we can, but you have a very serious drought,” continued Trump, who also noted that he did not know that droughts could happen in areas “this far north” in the United States. (Vibe) He learned that on a statue. And where the hell are the penguins? Daddy, I came to see the penguins, moans Ivanka.

Don is cutting way back on refugees allowed into the U.S., and established the Muslim ban. Only 7 people in the world qualify, under Trump rules, to simply immigrate to the United States, including the folks who were born here.

Plus, the 800,000 mostly brown younglings he’s chucking out. It adds up. This leaves very little for our own bigots to do. Scapegoats will be needed. Never mind. White nationalists still have the Natives to kick around.

“The Wall” will solve nothing, except provide a little shade for tired Border Patrol agents. A few trees would have resolved that issue. It’s still a good deceitful (nobody cares) talking point for Aryan legislators, though. Mexico isn’t paying for it, but keep repeating it.
Lies. Pshaw. The Washington Post calculated that Trump made 492 false or misleading statements in his first 100 days. Doesn’t matter. Fake news. “Straight talk,” is what it really is, according to N.D. Governor Doug Burgum, who is well known to be a smart human. Can it be possible that he is actually falling for Trump’s bull$#!*? I doubt it.

It isn’t politically correct for a North Dakota Republican to suggest that the big spongy dope tells lies. The mob believes Fox and Friends as translated by Wonderbread, his handle on Stormfront.

Russia. Russia. Russia. She get’s everything. We love Putin, and who cares if they screwed around with our election system? Get over it. Republicans found a way to get past piddly things, like tampering. It’s Obama who is the enemy. He climbed Trump Tower and installed bugs, among other things, like being black. Remember that. Blame Americans first.

Shame. What shame? It no longer exists, and a lot of emotional stress is washed away. Some in the North Dakota GOP already had no shame, so they’re good with Trump, but now the rest can carry on accordingly.

Voter fraud is a thing. DJ said so. Millions falsely voted for that pantsuited Clinton woman. And all of the criminals are poor and brown. If anyone knows about fraud, it’s the Donald. Everybody who ponied up the $30,000 to enroll in Trump University is now wealthy. Honest. Believe me.

And 45 already screwed over the LGBT community, so denying the group rights and protections at the state level will be much easier.
Trump’s trillion dollar infrastructure plan (cough) involves selling off publicly owned assets and expecting corporations to upgrade and maintain the road, bridge, or park. It’s not funny, so quit smirking.

Taboo for right-wingers, who think everything is a meritocracy, when hardly anything is, nepotism is back in vogue. If only TJ had a bigger family, so more unqualified people could wander through Oval office meetings.

We’re also going to lower corporate taxes, without increasing the deficit. Some trickling, they say will happen in some circles. It’s not funny, so quit smirking.

North Dakota Republicans need to keep fighting, along with clueless, to take health coverage away from millions of low-income workers. What is this anyway? A developed country?

Hang in there, ND GOP. Doughboy might not be insane, and a billionaire from New York is not one of the east coast elites.
Good-bye Mar-a-Lago. I hope hurricane Irma misses everything else.