- Hey slackers, did you really think you were going to get away without a current events review before the semester ends? Oh, no — Jim Acosta is back, so you know the fake news spigot is going to be running wide open. Pull up a desk, kids, stow the cell phone, grab a No. 2 pencil, eyes straight ahead and begin. Let’s see if you’ve been paying attention.
1. As the Spice Girls prepare for a 2019 tour, who remains the fan favorite?
a. All Spice.
b. Old Spice.
c. Pumpkin Spice.
d. Nancy Pelosi Spice.
2. A Trump Thanksgiving tradition:
a. Detaining Pilgrims.
b. Grabbing them by the giblets.
c. Don Jr.’s Cooked Goose.
d. White Friday.
3. Country Music Legend Roy Clark died while …
a. Pickin’.
b. Grinnin’.
c. Smirkin’.
d. Alone in a room with Hillary Clinton under suspicious circumstances.
4. Elections in Florida are decided by:
a. Rock, paper, scissors.
b. Jimmy Buffett.
c. Reverse osmosis.
d. The following calendar year.
5. Things President Trump would do if it wasn’t raining:
a. Rush into an active shooter situation.
b. Get really tough on Saudi Arabia for murdering U.S. residents.
c. Rake the forest.
d. Support the troops.
6. Why Heidi Heitkamp hasn’t congratulated Kevin Cramer yet:
a. Harold Hamm is still screening his calls.
b. Verizon blows.
c. Testing his pain threshold.
d. She’s too busy obsessing about Rob Port.
7. Now that he’s out of the Legislature, Al Carlson will:
a. Take a side gig landscaping the governor’s mansion.
b. Really get on his wife’s nerves.
c. Sing Weezer songs at karaoke every weekend.
d. Get hella wasted.
8. Things that spoil Thanksgiving:
a. Grandma wears a MAGA cap.
b. Becky’s new boyfriend freestyle raps the prayer.
c. Green bean casserole again.
d. Hoarding the giblets.
9. Two words that rile up conservatives:
a. Blue wave.
b. Income equality.
c. Caravan invasion .
d. Happy holidays.
10. Top priority at North Dakota State Legislature in 2019:
a. Tax breaks for struggling Oklahoma and Texas billionaires.
b. Slash rural funding; blame local governments for fiscally irresponsible tax hikes.
c. Decide where in Mandan Erin Oban’s parking spot should be.
d. Craft a recreational hypocrisy bill.
Bonus: Who really discovered America?
a. Christopher Columbus.
b. Leif Ericksson.
c. Al Jaeger.
d. Ancient Aliens.
Answers: 1. d; 2. d; 3. d; 4. b; 5. c; 6. b; 7.c; 8. d; 9. d; 10. c; Bonus: b. Grading: 11-9 correct: Nice, but sorry, no prize money. George Soros’ check didn’t clear. We’re paying you in soybeans. 6-8 correct: You have so much potential if only you applied yourself. 3-5 correct: What!? Did Measure #3 pass? 0-2 correct: Congratulations, you are the recipient of the Janne Myrdal Scholastic Achievement Award.
© Tony Bender, 2018
