You get an email. “To all employees. You’re all doing too good. Knock it off for crissakes! We’re getting killed. If you people sell 10 more product things and/or doodads this month, we’ll have to close the doors. Not literally the doors of the building, Larry. Somebody go talk to Larry. I suppose they will get locked though. Anyway. What do we want up in our “LIBRARY TOWER?’ I know it was you Bob who started that insulting term just because we all voted for a nitwit. We just want production to damn near hit zero. I mean it, too. Signed, ‘The Boss of You.’”
Or
“Splatowsky, get your butt in here.”
“What?”
“Splat, you’re doing your job too darn good. Take Mondays off from now on or do something different. Don’t walk so fast. I don’t know. This really isn’t…”
“Shouldn’t it be ‘too darn well?’”
“What?”
“Too darn well?”
“Get the well out of here.”
Or:
Coach Klieman: “Guys. No more scoring until the third quarter and we have give up at least one touchdown in the first half.” Loud sigh. “I guess we can kick a couple of field goals, but none less than 60 yards. And nothing fancy, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. I know it was the weasels in marketing department that got this started. They say that ESPN is behind it all. I don’t know. All scholarships will be honored, of course. Actually, they should give everyone a Mini Cooper, too. But they won’t so don’t get excited. Yes, yes, I know your big, not mini. Do you have any idea how complicated this stupid plan is going to be? And do you think that those jamokes in South Dakota will cooperate in this bullshit? I doubt it. Anyway, take a shower and go. I have to do some wild thinking.”
The NCAA National Football Championship quarterfinal game between North Dakota State University and Colgate University was not a sellout. I’m not blaming anyone, but it makes for a marketing mystery. Those guys on the third floor will be day drinking trying to figure this puzzler out. “Too good” never showed up in any of my marketing books as a detriment.
Oh, and Trump is a criminal Duh.
