Sen. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., has been doing a splendid job in his efforts to help his sociopathic low IQ pagan idol, President Trump, with tariff boy’s coverup, and there is a good reason why. He’s practiced. Cramer has put in the work for whoever puts the sparkle in the eye of his inner hyena.

A year ago, Kevin was proudly rationalizing out loud how humane the Trump family separation policy was because the children were being kept away from danger with chain link, the same thing that was keeping American children safe from whatever couldn’t jump the fence or find an opening onto the Little League ball field. I’m thinking an angry blind moose. Maybe. Nobody, even Cramer, knows what he was running on about, but he did it with a shameless smirk and suffered no consequences.

Some of those kidnapped children are lost to their folks forever, many were molested, and some died. Cramer has long lost any interest in humanity. He’s busy in his new role as a sales rep for a wall. Who you know really pays some days.

Kevin was fired up in 2014, too, which seems like an eon ago, because his Bakken oil patrons were having a PR issue since their oil tankers pulled by BNSF and other railroad companies had the tendency to blow up whenever they derailed.

Some little pool fires wouldn’t be so bad, but the explosions could toast your bagel at a quarter mile and 300 feet up if your office is on a high floor.

Forty-seven people have died so far.

Should oil execs have to put up with concerns of public safety when their product repeatedly erupts into massive fireballs? Not on Cramer’s watch.

Kevin and his pals weren’t interested in the safety concerns of their friend’s fire-breathing dragons. They were miffed that the Bakken dragons were being singled out by the feds as a special danger, even though the Bakken-nourished beasts were the only ones to hack up fireballs.

How can anyone pick on our child? He’s normal and just like the other dragon kids. A little fizzy, maybe. Why aren’t you bothering ethanol? That jerky punk thinks he’s so he’s so clear. Ethy is flammable, and raw Bakken crude is exactly as dangerous as him, amen.

So as vice-chairman of the Oversight Subcommittee, Kevin, or somebody from northern Europe on his behalf, got permission from Congressman Lamar Smith, R-Texs, chairman of the Committee On Science, Space, and Technology, to hold a Subcommittee Joint Hearing entitled “Bakken Petroleum: The Substance Of Energy Independence.”

Yeah, Cramer might have held a promotional event for The North Dakota Petroleum Council in — I assume — an official congressional chamber. It was his turn, and Kevin was indeed on a committee with the word science on the letterhead.

Anyway, in conjunction with the Subcommittee on Energy, we saw a dog show. The pony pranced off in a snit. A hamster and parakeet show would have sufficed for the tiny turnout.

I counted about seven congresspeople at the hearing and lots of empty seats. Evidentlym quite a few skipped the fun, but somebody thought it would be a good idea to make sure Dana Rohrabacher and Paul Broun were there.

Dana, Paul, Kevin and Bongo as Professor Bobo, aka “The Kooks and Professor Smith,” as can be seen on the Syfy channel.

Rohrabacher was known as Putin’s favorite congressman among less flattering things during his time. He seemed to think that North Dakota had been living in the Great Depression until the latest Bakken boom. Dirt soup, morning, noon and night. Pebbles were a treat.

Now we lint worshippers understand that for the God-given oil, civilian casualties are a price we’re rightly willing for some innocent people to pay, or so says Dana.

Paul Broun doesn’t believe in evolution, the Big Bang theory or embryology but was still steamed at Barack Obama for not providing scientists to his level of understanding, as if nongovernment-issue petrochemical scientists were hard to find on the East Coast. Broun mocked witnesses for not being able to answer yes or no to questions that couldn’t be answered with yes or no. He’s a dick.

Congressman Cramer for his part ignored the “science only” theme of his own party and invited Kari Cutting, vice president, North Dakota Petroleum Council, and John Auers, executive vice president, Turner, Mason & Co., as witnesses.

Turner, Mason & Co. authored the “The North Dakota Petroleum Council Study on Bakken Crude Properties” report for the North Dakota Petroleum Council.

So, Cramer had two people in cahoots with him, and to satisfy the ranking member of the trio, Auers at one point said, “I DO BELIEVE IF I THREW A MATCH IN BAKKEN CRUDE OIL, IT WOULD NOT LIGHT.”

Hearing aids should have been sparking. Time should have stopped. Had he a clue, the pugnacious Broun would have conjured up his inner Foghorn Leghorn. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I say, boy, pay attention when I’m talkin’ to ya, boy. I say, boy, it sounded like your record skipped a track. Pay attention when I’m talkin’ to ya, boy. That’s stupid talk.” But no bullshit alarms were triggered. Republican or Democrat.

Here’s the whole paragraph from the transcript, so you can see that Auer’s moronic claim wasn’t cherry-picked.

Auers:

“Well, you know, I am not an expert on packing groups necessarily but ethanol is — and — you know, is flammable. So is gasoline. And I would — I did listen to the testimony earlier. I DO BELIEVE IF I THREW A MATCH IN BAKKEN CRUDE OIL, IT WOULD NOT LIGHT. Gasoline and ethanol would. We don’t burn crude oil on Bunsen burners. You know, we do burn ethanol. It wouldn’t seem consistent that ethanol is in a less stringent packing group than crude oil, same with gasoline.”

Cramer:

“Thank you. Because this gets to my concern about a calming scientific approach versus a sort of hysterical approach if you want to know the truth because …”

“What’s it all about, boy? Elucidate!” also voiced by Foghorn Leghorn.

Yes, fictional science is always more calming than what we can see with our own eyes. It’s correct that crude oil isn’t used in Bunsen burners, but so what? It isn’t used for a lot of things. Bakken crude is accidentally used to kill people, destroy buildings, foul water and gum up water treatment and sewage systems.

Google “Bakken Petroleum: The Substance Of Energy Independence,” for the transcript and video, if you have time you want to torture and kill. See Auers go the extra mile at approximately 2:08.30