Soon after his impossibly fat pitch got hit into the center-field stands by the former director of the CIA, Kelly Armstrong found himself talking to NBC’s Chuck Todd.

He was near giddy. Kelly figures war hero Bob pulled a fast one with his special council report and he can’t wait to tell skeptical Chuck. Baghdad Bobby Barr isn’t even spinning that script.

Kelly can’t put his finger on it, in the evidentiary sense, but Armstong realizes that something has to be fishy because a few of Robert Mueller’s agents gave $2,000 to Hillary Clinton, which led to a free T-shirt. His story gets a little murky after that.

Trust me, it wasn’t just Democrats sending Killary their meth money and seeing apriest. Even some Republicans could tell that there was something not right with the large silverback.

As far as his TV oratory skills, Kelly’s not bad, except for the high pitch. Otherwise, he came off like one of those fancy eastern North Dakota slicks.

If his voice drops an octave, he maybe Fox News level when it comes to smoothly dispensing the bullshit. He could be a special talent, like Anthony Scaramucci. Or maybe the shiny new Kevin Cramer level bullshitter we’ve all been pining for.

And Armstrong is barely getting any credit for provoking Robert Mueller’s blood pressure to rise up to “who the hell is this kid?” And Mueller gave a retort that became a viral quote that went something like this:

“What did you just say, you little peckerwood? Are you talking to me? You sit there like Howdy Doody, with your puckered lips and question MY integrity? I won’t stand for it, Junior. I would come over there and kick your ass right now, but it takes about an hour to move anywhere in this stupid room, so I challenge you to a duel with pistols at sunrise. Bring your own gun, you stupid boy. And I don’t have time for you to go through a thorough background check. I know some people who like to snoop around, though. Your level of insubordination calls for some level of satisfactional permanence. Don’t be late, you smug little bastard. Anybody else want a piece of me? How about you Gohmert, you rat-faced twerp? Where’s Louie?”

Or it might have sounded more like this:

“I’ve been in this business for almost 25 years. In those 25 years, I’ve not had occasion once to ask about somebody’s political affiliation,” Mueller said. “It is not done. What I care about is the capacity of the individual to do the job and do the job seriously and quickly and with integrity.”

Unfortunately for Kelly’s future as a TV go-to quote machine, the media is putting Mueller’s words out there but is intentionally omitting Armstrong’s question, the pebble in Mueller’s shoe. They don’t seem to think that the congressman was an important part of the exchange and that the premise of his questioning was overly false.

It was like watching the “Very Capable” Kenny Jay versus Laverne Clarence “Verne” Gagne from Mound, Minn., in an old-fashioned wrestling match. The computer models unnecessarily predicted that Verne would put a bout ending “sleeper hold” on the overconfident Armstrong. He may be very capable at other things, though — but not as a rookie member of the “Fox Family of Facts” lecturing Eliot Ness on character.

I tried to transcribe some of Armstrong’s interview with NBC, now on YouTube, but I can’t even type without distraction with any precision, and I rely on my thumbs too much, so sue me if I miss a gist. But the gists were overtly apparent. Special K said a lot of words, but rarely answered the questions that were asked.

Kelly told Chuck that he didn’t learn anything new from the testimony, which sounded like a personal problem, and didn’t feel Mueller’s testimony wasn’t “overly” compelling in his personally formulated opinion.

Why would Armstrong expect anything “new?” The director’s team put all of their findings into text and it was very compelling. Bob told all of the circus clowns that he had nothing to say past what was written in the report.

I had a feeling he wasn’t cracking a joke. Everyone knew about honest Robert’s sense of humor going in. The book is always better than the reenactment anyway.

Oh, and my soup wasn’t overly salty. And my steak wasn’t overly cooked precisely the way it was supposed to be not overly cooked. And Bob found Kell to be underwhelmingly fishing for swordfish with a teaspoon.

And Mueller had difficulty understanding questions and had to have things repeated back to him quite a bit, complained Kelly. Or did he?

As I wrote in my last post, RM played the old man card like one of those wise old males that you hear about. Do you think that Robert Mueller WASN’T going to stick a spud in their tailpipe, the old kollywodger?

“… Mueller outsmarted the lot of them. He took the five minutes every congressperson was allotted and reduced it by 25 percent. Could you repeat that? Can you tell me what page that is? What in the hell are you talking about? Could you fetch me a glass of scotch? Macallan if you got it.

Armstrong obviously passed on the “was Mueller truthful” question. His guy from Queens lies like he has a defective circuit, so honesty isn’t something that Kelly values over opportunism if that was your question, Chuck?

“At some point in time, there are going to be consequences for overpromising and underperforming for our friends on the other side,” warned Armstong.

I have no idea what means. Will Donald Trump trash their town with a Tweet? Drop a Daisy Cutter on Harlem, perhaps? Will he say that they hate America? Will he just burn the whole place to the ground, since his country has so many rats?

Do the 10 counts of possible obstruction of justice bother you? Are you troubled? Todd asked Armstrong in words to that effect.

“I think whenever you have that many federal resources you are always going to find things that are unflattering.” So no, Kelly isn’t troubled by such things.

Trump’s tennis shorts are unflattering. Perverting the course of justice is a serious crime, and to suggest that the findings of the report only found that Trump’s butt looks big is preposterous.

“You know why it’s (obstruction of justice) rarely charged, it’s because proving corrupt intent is very difficult,” said Kelly.

If Kelly Armstrong thinks it would be of any difficulty to prove corrupt intent on the part of a loudmouth crook like perjury Don, Armstrong has a lot of difficult days ahead.

“Well, we can’t convict very many criminals since it’s just so damn hard. It’s not really a numbers game anyway, so don’t expect too many arrests, people. How’s that?”

“I’ve got to tell you, Wally, it’s not good ad copy if you want to get elected.”

“You see Democrats grabbing for one “illegitimate reason” for these things occurring, but no one talks about the legitimate reasons it could have occurred.” Name a legitimate reason for Trump’s criminal behavior and we’ll talk about it, Kell.

“Establishing probable cause when you have $25 million, 19 attorneys, 40 FBI agents in 30 years. It’s not how federal prosecutions work when you have half of the team has a direct connection with the opponent of the person you’re investigating,” barked Kelly.

I met Tom Arnold when he repeatedly did standup at my place of employment in Grand Forks and repeatedly talked to him. Does that prove something? Did he subsequently introduce me to Roseanne and Arnold Schwartzenegger? We weren’t that close, so no. Besides, Tom is a pig.

Blah, blah, blah. The video is worth observing. Armstrong had his answers and the questions were just left-wing noise. Blah, blah, screech. Kelly Armstrong admits a mental flaw.

“Nadler’s questions were so confusing I couldn’t follow them.” That’s troubling. Even a mind like Kelly’s couldn’t crack the code. Imagine what the poor old man must have been going through as he correctly answered the confusing questions. Phew.

Do you think the Russians tried to help DT? “I think they interfered in our elections and those before 2016.” So Armstrong doesn’t believe our own intelligence agencies who were pretty clear on who the Kremlin was pulling for. His is the same answer as Putin’s.

Was the special council fair? “Fair? No, I don’t. He had different lawyers working on different things and this isn’t about political affiliation.”

“When you are a lawyer involved in a DOJ issue this isn’t about political affiliation. It’s about direct conflict of interest. When you have half of your legal team that has a direct political, personal and professional relationship with (Hillary and one of them does her hair), that’s not political about whether they should have disclosed that conflict of interest. Bob Mueller should have vetted his team more before he embarked on the most significant investigations in a generation.”

Political donations were easy to find but not disclosed because they don’t do that. That’s him being cute.

But It turns out that Kelly’s plan to manufacture some bias that he thought was only mostly dead, as Billy Crystal would say, the smear was actually completely dead on arrival. He slandered a war hero, on behalf of a guy who is up to his elbows in borsch hotdish and would poison the Rio Grande if the ghoulish Svengali Stephen Miller ever finds a justification.

If Trump weren’t a well-known New York jamoke, he could walk into any crowded room and 80 percent of the people would instantly think, “What kind of asshole is this, now?” George Steinbrenner had the same effect on people.

Can Armstrong genuinely not tell the difference between a malignant tumor and a Gary Cooper clone?

Anyway, it all boiled down to some plot involving a conflict of interest. So Armstrong spins this disinformation that he learned from the fine folks at Fox News over several years. Eighty-four thousand brain imprints is a lot.

According to all of these people, we’ve been duped. Bamboozled I tell you. The Mueller agents that Fox deemed to be Democrats, or not out of their mind, wanted slow-moving vengeance for Hillary’s loss eight months after the fact, so they convince all of the other people in the investigation to join them in criminal acts of falsifying evidence, which would be a great career move. Mueller gets on board after they plead, “pleeeeaze, pleeaaze.”

“This isn’t about political affiliation,” Congressman Kelly Armstrong told Chuck Todd over the laughter.

It was good for Chuck to laugh again.