When I was in junior high, I became friends with a group of girls that we referred to as “the gang,” in an era when that word had a different meaning in rural Minnesota.

In our graduating class of over 300, we  were among the “good” girls.  Our idea of a “pot party” was washing the cookware after a camping trip. I don’t think most of us knew about the kegger graduation night until our 10-year reunion.

Most of us didn’t date a whole lot but spent our weekends getting together with each other, forging the bonds of our enduring friendship. Although two of the gang ended up marrying high school sweethearts, to whom they remain married, they started dating at the end of senior year.

We were a diverse group, at least by the standards of our very homogeneous Northern European community. We came from different parts of towns, attended different churches and were involved in different activities. We had dance and flag squad captains, award-winning sprinters and long-distance runners, yearbook and newspaper editors, theater and speech kids. And although we all held jobs in high school, some worked more than being in extracurriculars. We even had a world champion baton twirler.

We weren’t popular in a traditional sense. However, we were very nice and very kind, and all of the homecoming royalty were part of our gang, where apparently it was cool to be kind.

I think the strength of our enduring bond formed in high school, as a few of our friends lost their parents, and we tightened around each other to provide support.

Over the years, we really embodied the Bible verse that says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”  We surrounded each other at bridal showers and baby showers and gathered in the aftermath of divorces and attended the funerals of siblings and parents and spouses. We even got together to see one of us in a community theater production in Fargo.

We didn’t live close to each other and only one remained in our hometown. However, we were always intentional about scheduling time together to catch up.

Over the years, many of our external differences grew, as we represented a broad swath of political views and expressions of our religious views or lack thereof. Some never married, some never had children and some were single parents.

One of the “gang” came out at my son Ian’s baby shower as she passed around a picture of her partner and when she got married a few years later, she was reluctant to have a bridal shower because she wasn’t sure how everyone would feel because of their religious beliefs. But I was insistent and everyone showed up or sent gifts and celebrated because love is love and friends are friends.

In recent years, we have kept in close touch via our text chain and zoom visits during COVID, sharing pictures of new grandchildren or prayer requests when one of us or our family has been ill or in crisis or lost jobs. Everyone’s birthday begins with texts from the whole group.

Two of the gang died just over two weeks apart in June 2022 — both from cancer — a devastating loss for all of us. I wasn’t able to attend either funeral, but I actually helped plan one and was deeply moved that our friend group was mentioned at both as a vital part of our beloved friends lives.

When I went through the crisis of my job loss and forced retirement at Emanuel, a good number showed up at the last minute to join me for a meal when I was in the Twin Cities to lend their support and provide me comfort over the months ahead when life was in turmoil.

So it was incredibly fitting that this “gratitude tour” concluded with a day with the gang — beginning with refreshments at one friend’s  house near Northfield, Minn., an afternoon tea at a lovely tea shop and an evening meal at another friend’s home.

Almost everyone was able to attend and the two who weren’t were updated via text in photos. Almost all of us turned 60 this year, so it was a nice celebration of this shared momentous event and of this lasting bond.

If I am a good friend today to anyone, it is because of what I learned about friendship from these women, who have been with me in season and out, loving me for who I am and in spite of it. Knowing the best parts of me and accepting the rest without judgment. And always being there for me. Always.

In a world where so many people are divided into silos, I am deeply grateful that I fell into this group of incredibly diverse people who differ in so many ways but share the same core values of integrity, decency, faithfulness, true kindness and acceptance. And who know how to love well in an enduring fashion.

My mother always said, “You have the nicest group of friends.”

 And she was right.