JIM FUGLIE: View From The Prairie — Election Chaos

This article first appeared in the October issue of High Plains Reader and on its website.)

As a political columnist, I know I should be writing an election preview for the issue of this paper that comes out just a couple of weeks before what is being labeled, once again, as “the most important election of our lifetime.” OK, so here goes my election preview:

In North Dakota, the Republicans are going to win. Pretty much everything.
In the United States of America, we’re going to elect our first woman president.

Well, now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about what I think is the most important vote we are going to cast in North Dakota this year. I’m calling it the “chaos vote.” It’s Measure 4, the lamebrain, simplistic, measure that would abolish property taxes in our state.

But wait, let me back up a minute and talk about that presidential vote. Because if I am wrong, and Donald Trump wins, we’re going to see real chaos.

See, even if you’re not a Joe Biden fan, you’ll have to admit there’s been a pretty steady hand on the wheel in the White House for most of the last four years because President Biden has hired good people to run the government. Even if he were slipping at age 80-something, I’d not be worried because the government is in good hands, and we don’t have a mad dog president telling the folks really running things what to do.

That’s what we won’t get if Trump wins because good people are not going to want to work for him. And that’s why we’ll have chaos in America.

But I don’t think he’s going to win. So let’s talk about the possible chaos in North Dakota.

Now, I don’t think Measure 4 is going to pass because I think North Dakota voters are smarter than the guy who is promoting it, Rick Becker, although two-thirds of those same voters are probably going to vote for Donald Trump for president. Go figure.

But Rick says we don’t need property taxes to finance local government. The state has plenty of money. It will pay for everything. Teachers. Cops. County roads. The light bill for City Hall. Broken water mains. Garbage trucks. Street light bulbs. School lunches. Everything local governments provide to us now through property taxes.

Uh-huh.

Here are some things I don’t like about this idea.

North Dakota’s towns are growing. They’re building new schools. When they need a new school, they figure out the cost, and they put a bond issue on the ballot. Somewhere in North Dakota, there’s a school bond issue on the ballot every year and the people vote for or against it. They vote for or against raising their property taxes. Most towns vote for it. And new schools get built. Dickinson and Williston both did it this year.

Well, no more, if Measure 4 passes because property taxes will be illegal. So now what? Well, the school boards are going to have to wait for the legislative session to come around, and they’re going to have to go in front of the Appropriations Committee and ask for money for the new school. Oh, and while they’re there, they’ll maybe ask for a new school bus, and some chalk and erasers. And maybe some lunch money.

Because pretty much all the money for local services will now have to come from the state. So when the school board president is done making his or her case, the county commissioners will get up and ask for money for a new snow plow, and the mayor needs a new fire engine and needs to do some street repairs. Soon, every local government in the state will have to submit their entire budget to the Legislature. Can you imagine how many Appropriations Committee meetings that’s going to take? As North Dakota’s gubernatorial candidate Kelly Armstrong said recently, get ready for some really long legislative sessions.

Eliminating property taxes is the craziest idea I’ve ever seen on a ballot in North Dakota. Yeah, it sounds good. Most of us pay a few thousand dollars a year in property taxes, money we could use to buy other things. But most of us who are making monthly payments to the bank for our homes don’t really feel the bite because our property taxes are just part of our monthly house payment.

You know who’s really excited about this measure? Rich folks who own big houses and big business because they’re going to get a big break.

The North Dakota Association of Counties has put together a fine analysis of who really benefits from Measure 4. You can look at it on its website. Of the top 10 property taxpayers in the state, three are your utility companies (MDU, NSP and Ottertail) and the rest are oil companies. Think your utility bills and the cost of gas will go down if this passes?

Residential homeowners pay only about a third of the property taxes in North Dakota. Businesses, many of them out-of-state, pay most of the rest. They’re the winners.

So that’s one important thing to know about Measure 4. Here’s another: this really isn’t about property taxes at all. The property tax issue is just what Rick Becker is using to keep himself in the spotlight. Becker keeps trying to get elected, but he can’t, so this is his way of promoting Rick Becker.

Oops, sorry, that’s Dr. Rick Becker. Every billboard, flier and newspaper ad reminds you that he’s a doctor (Becker Plastic Surgery). Mostly a boob doctor. He’ll make ‘em bigger or smaller. Check out the photos on his website. On the serious side, I’m sure he also helps women with breast cancer problems. But facelifts? Yep. Tummy tucks? Yep. Rhinoplasties? Yep (needs a new name). Labiaplasties? Eww.

But it’s boobs that get most of the attention on the website of Becker Plastic Surgery. In fact, the home page features a big coupon for Victoria‘s Secret, once you’re done on the table and send in a friend, with a photo of a gorgeous, big-busted woman. Strangest doctor’s website I’ve ever seen. Not sure if Rick did that work or not,