The congressman stood behind the podium talking in circles, grinning like a meerkat pup that just got the better of his first scorpion, and the crunchy bugger would make a fine breakfast burrito.

Then, the smug miniature mongoose of the desert smirked, smarmed and sniggered for 60 minutes after the meal, as is the custom of his holy family. That was his only achievement.

Kevin Cramer decided to bring his smart-assitude to a serious debate with a highly intelligent Heidi Heitkamp for a seat in the U.S. Senate on Thursday.

The experienced senator spoke of her accomplishments. The mediocre congressman, who ranks 145th among congressional Republicans in effectiveness, talked about his tax-evading friend from Queens.

Sen. Cramer. The notion even sounds ridiculous. Nail an inexpensive suit to an office wall and duct tape a potato above the collar. Let’s save ourselves the heartache and forehead slaps. Imagine how weak his mind must be to depend on Donald Trump’s kaleidoscope of a brain.

It was the first debate between the two that Cramer would agree to attend. It was sponsored by the North Dakota Newspaper Association, which pieced together several styles of background to distract online and television viewers — or to provoke the seizure prone into spasms. It looked like a budgetary issue.

The panelists asking the questions were frustratingly subdued. Finally, a monk hollered, “Pep it up a bit for crissakes! Goddammiiiiit.” He had taken a vow of silence in 1977, so it was a good run. No regrets.

Heitkamp, for her part, was sullen in the beginning and stayed serious. Her voice got stronger as the hour passed.

Cramer is one of those people who always looks like something funny is going on in their head. I don’t like the congressman in case it isn’t obvious. I’m not biased. I’m hostile to the whole package of Kevin Cramer. He’s a mental lightweight, a far right-wing ideologue, and he isn’t above lying to his constituents, as he has to me. He’s rarely gotten a paycheck that wasn’t issued by the government.

KC has no clue what people who work for a living go through on a daily basis. And he has little empathy. A lot like the New York pork chop.

Kevin can’t beat the master when it comes to saying silly offensive things, but he still qualifies as a national punchline. The opposite of gravitas. Taking children away from their parents and locking the kids behind chain link is humane according to Cramer, and he didn’t care if Kavanaugh DID molest Dr. Ford. Those weren’t gaffes; he gleefully said those things — and more — multiple times. And what about the great “bad-looking white pantsuits” mess. It was voted the best pantsuit scandal of 2017 by Pantsuit Digest.

Cramer thinks that saying stupid things is endearing. It’s not. Gaffes and lying are actually just blunt truths, claims Kevin. He praises Trump for his blunt talk. Swell.

Back to the debate, in no particular order.

Kevin thinks he has a record. But it’s the person who tells Kev how to vote who has a record. He admits it. He said he came to compare records, but he has none of his own. He’s a spokesman.

“Donald Trump stands with North Dakota more often than Heidi Heitkamp stands with North Dakota. He’s on the right side of North Dakota. That’s what matters.” — Kevin Cramer

Bumper Sticker bullshit. It’s not true by any measure.. The loco Cramer/Trump tariffs will hurt all of us. Some more than others. Eliminating Affordable Care level protections for North Dakotans with pre-existing conditions, which Cramer has voted to do and Trump is eager to eliminate, isn’t good for any of us.

The $1.5 trillion dollar tax scam is a boon for corporations and the wealthy but does little for the average earner. Meanwhile, revenues go down, as spending goes up. Trickle down is the only trick the Republicans have, and it never works.

“When our president picks the tools (tariffs) he’s going to use, I think we’re obligated to stand with the United States of America.” — Kevin Cramer (just like he stood with Barack Obama)

Primates started using tools thousands of years ago, crows have figured it out, and some species of bears have been spotted fly fishing. They appear to have a natural talent for it. Of course, they needed to order the equipment online, and only a few of the most clever fisherbears have credit cards, so it’s a hassle. Especially for the UPS dude.

Still, there is no evidence to prove that Trump is minutely competent enough to manage international trade or stand trial. We’re dealing with an old toddler with a .50-caliber Desert Eagle. It’s way to heavy for the tyke. And the idea that we’re obligated as Americans to support a bad idea from an immoral person, president or not, is anti-American.

And Donald Trump is not the United States of America. For the record.

Kevin believes Trump made some great trade deals with the European Union, Mexico, Canada and South Korea. It’s sad that Cramer isn’t better informed. Nothing substantial happened in any of these cases — even though they were the worst trade deals ever — except for a few adjustments, but DT is compelled to declare victory several times a day. Flatterers are constantly on standby. Kevin is penciled for the third Tuesday each month, noon to nine.

“The problem is, you can be on both teams and you maybe feel good about it, but when one team is so much better for North Dakota than the other team, you don’t abandon that good team half the time,” — Kevin Cramer

Well heck, Kevin, that isn’t true either, nor is this: “Being an independent isn’t an excuse for being wrong.” Who was making an excuse? Not too specific either, which is normal for Cramer. If he was smart enough, I would think that KC had a case of Stockholm Syndrome. And he called Heitkamp’s bipartisanship an “illusion.” Actually, it’s math. Red flag city.

Kevin doesn’t even know what a sanctuary city is, but they’re bad. However, they don’t hide anyone, and no one is inoculated from arrest, as Trumpists would have you believe.

Cramer would rather take financial decision making away from city police departments, screw them out of funds and have locals do a job that belongs only with the federal government. He’s all about North Dakota, unless something scary to white people is happening in Marxist Nancy Pelosi Californicate.

The Russia investigation is not brain surgery, according to Cramer. It’s also not an anvil or carpentry, but he wants it wrapped up, as if he has a say. Robert Mueller has ferreted out a small towns worth of criminals. Why would Kev want the investigation to stop? Why does he throw shade, as the kids say, at the FBI? What happened to, “I think we’re obligated to stand with the United States of America?”

Disenfranchising the Native Americans is OK with KC because his little right-wingers manual says we all get treated the same, but that is distressingly untrue. A Trumpian level lie.

“Cramer defended North Dakota’s ‘basic’ law as a way to protect the ‘integrity’ of the ballot box. He said North Dakota has easy voting requirements because there’s no registration here, and argued the standards are the same for every voter, ‘regardless of race, creed, color.’ ‘Identity politics has got to stop.’” — Fargo Forum

The N.D. GOP decided that people of a certain identity should be punished for voting the wrong way last time. They’ve admitted it.

And the kid wants to mess with Social Security. He voted to borrow over a trillion dollars to help the beleaguered investment class, but Social Security and other safety net programs for us lessers need a haircut to reduce the national debt. Cramer can’t see the conflict in his — we’ll call it thinking. He concludes that his position is brave.

Americans are allowed to assemble and protest — it’s in the First Amendment — but Cramer/Trump prefer to call these demonstrations mobs, and he doesn’t like it one bit, by gum. Except for the Tiki torch types, who gather to impress their whiteness and bad sense of style on people of color. Those dudes are golden. Wink.

Cramer said Supreme Court Justice “Boof” Kavanaugh is good for North Dakota, which is why he and Trump smeared sexual assault survivors. Are the members of SCOTUS supposed to good for a certain state? Maybe beer sales will rise. I don’t see how Brett’s impact is predictable. More Cramer bullshit.

Kevin wants that darn wall. Not because it will ever get done, but because his base loves the idea, even though people and animals have beaten the technology of walls long ago.

Barack Obama, Charles Schumer and Hillary Clinton. Cramer slipped those names in, which are scary for some reason. Schumer is a New York Jew, and Trump is a New York sex offender. The sociopathic one completes Kev.

Town Halls. Kevin Cramer has held 7,065 of them, and he is proud to have listened and ignored every citizen in North Dakota, twice. He takes most of his questions on the radio shows of Rob Port and Scott Hennen, who have audiences that cover the regular alt-right to the crazy alt-right spectrum. Port is darn proud of Cramer, as he mentions in all of his “I hate Heidi” literary gems.

The poor congressman doesn’t know the difference between “censure” and “censor,” but it didn’t appear to bother him. Oh well.

Kevin boasted about being Trump’s energy adviser prior to the election. The next paragraph sums up Kevin very well, although I’m not positive that Trump knew that Cramer was involved in his campaign.

“Donald Trump’s energy speech in Bismarck, N.D. on Thursday was brimming with big promises — and big exaggerations.

Amid pledges to eliminate a slew of environmental regulations and dramatically expand fossil fuel development, Trump tossed out a few inaccurate statistics, falsely accused President Barack Obama of wanting to end oil and gas development in the U.S. and showed an overly simplistic understanding of world oil markets.” — Politico

Atta boy, Kev.