Tag: rob port

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RON SCHALOW: North Dakota Trumpublicans Are Super Flexible When It Comes To Personal Responsibility

Posted on August 28, 2020August 31, 2020 by Ron Schalow ,Leave a Comment

After the most recent LGBTQ embarrassment, when North Dakota Republicans unknowingly wrote the quiet part out loud, the big R’s condemned their political party’s own thoughts and directed the smart guy to remove Resolution 31 and the other 12,000 words of their platform from the NDGOP website. PSA: Resolutions are now exclusively available by request from corby@ndgop.org. Who took responsibility …

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RON SCHALOW: A Mural Of Greta Versus The Mob

Posted on February 19, 2020 by Kevin Grinde 1 Comment

Well, that’s just great. A few villagers got wind of a yet-to-exist innocuous mural with a whiff of science implied, and now we have to inspect all of the art in the state for depictions of Swedes wearing Native jewelry. It seems the mere thought of a mural featuring a 17-year-old girl got a handful of North Dakota wankers so …

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RON SCHALOW: Lately In Trump Dakota

Posted on December 19, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Like the humble Rob Port, who brags that his defunct blog was “part of the fabric” (Only argali wool thread for Rep. Rick Becker) of “politics in North Dakota,” the unassuming Donald Trump also can’t be steam-cleaned out of the democratic socialist manufactured couch sitting by the capitalist Coke machine in the breakroom of our socialist State Mill. That’s because …

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RON SCHALOW: Why Won’t Kelly Armstrong Leak Testimony?

Posted on October 29, 2019 by Ron Schalow

What the hell is going on? Why isn’t Congressman Kelly Armstrong patriotically leaking the great impeachment news — that the lamestream media refuses to report — that would exonerate Donald Trump of airtight charges stemming from a super successful witch hunt? The congressman is sitting right there as the “never Trumpers” testify. It’s the least he can do if he were …

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RON SCHALOW: Hysterical Minot Blogger Smears Calm Fargo Columnist

Posted on August 20, 2019August 20, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Jim Shaw wrote a column for ForumComm titled “We shouldn’t be afraid to shop, worship or go to school.” Shaw has issues with the high level of gun violence in our country, Donald Trump, and he speaks for millions of sentient Americans. ForumComm hack Rob Port couldn’t have that. Evidently unable to see beyond his yard in Minot, N.D., Port …

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RON SCHALOW: Rob Port Thinks He Has Credibility

Posted on July 25, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Spoiler Alert: If you find Rob Port repugnant, have no interest in his antics or have just eaten, keep scrolling. I think my bizarre hobby is informative to some people who want to know what’s going on with a far right-wing propagandist in our midst but wouldn’t actually read a Port column with a 10-foot microscope. Lately, Rob Port has …

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RON SCHALOW: Three Women And A Baby

Posted on June 18, 2019 by Ron Schalow

On June 13, the Fargo Forum reported that the North Dakota Women’s Network had chosen Rep. Ruth Buffalo to be their 2019 “Woman of the Year.” How dare any of that happen! Immediately, a Forum blogger, Rob “Bill Barr” Port, aka “Baghdad Rob” became irate, hungry and a bit peckish. So, after a snack, the self-proclaimed “journalist” grabbed a keyboard …

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RON SCHALOW: Port Is A Liar And Gum Sticks To Your Hair

Posted on April 10, 2019April 10, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Rep. Ruth Buffalo doesn’t report to Rob Port. “She refuses to speak on POVnow’s show, or at AM 1100, or with Rob Port because she said they’re not journalists seeking the truth, they’re personalities pushing agendas.” — C.S. Hagen, HPR Unless he has a dog with no self-respect, nobody reports to Rob Port. I believe it’s because he’s a creep that …

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RON SCHALOW: Mr. Marcil, Tear Down Port’s Hate Speech Wall

Posted on March 22, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Unless Forum Communications has some bizarre legal stipulation on page 63 of a contract with “a blogger” whereby FCC has no control over anything related to Sayanythingblog and Rob Port, a Minot legend for refusing to shovel his socialist sidewalk, then pay attention. Undiluted Hate Wall “Homosexuals corrode society from within and their degenerate heads deserve to be swinging at …

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RON SCHALOW: There’re No Guns In Baseball

Posted on February 26, 2019February 26, 2019 by Ron Schalow

The gun activists in North Dakota are feeling the cattle prod after losing out on carrying a sidearm to “99 percent of everywhere” due to the unpatriotic nay votes in the Commie Republican Legislature. The guy who publishes the MinuteMan Blog is really steamed. How dare a legislator vote closer than usual to their conscience or as their constituents want? …

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RON SCHALOW: The Republican Big Lie For 2019 Is Socialism

Posted on February 18, 2019 by Ron Schalow

They don’t know the meaning of socialism and they don’t care what it means. Furthermore, they don’t want to learn the truth and they’ll label any Democrat they target with the American swear word, which will probably be the whole party. This isn’t the social media clods tossing around the socialist, communist and Marxist words to troll the libs. This …

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RON SCHALOW: The Braveheart Of Bismarck

Posted on February 14, 2019 by Ron Schalow

So, in the early half of Sunday the 10th, doctor and Rep. Rick Becker posted a meme on Facebook. Memes are evidently photos that convey what you’re thinking but could never find the words, or ever thought of one. Like a greeting card that punches you in the balls. Or provides a message of affirmation, whether you want one or …

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RON SCHALOW: Oil Companies Aren’t For North Dakotans To Love

Posted on February 8, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Suddenly, we’ve seen multiple bum-kissing letters-to-the-editor for big carbon. It was the oil tax thing that got them going. The North Dakota Republicans voted to let big oil keep the gift of a lower tax rate that they maniacally bestowed on the impoverished industry when the R’s slipped the dollars past the goalie in last days of the 2015 session. …

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RON SCHALOW: Mid-January Punditing

Posted on January 16, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Since the Fargo Forum’s shill for the overdog and slacker political pundit, who refers to himself as a humble observer and the most influential political blogger in North Dakota, isn’t being humble or most influential, he obviously isn’t up to his own hype and requires a hand. Need an example? “Port: State lawmakers should be wary of their own revenue …

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RON SCHALOW: T-bones Will Outlast Us All

Posted on January 11, 2019January 11, 2019 by Ron Schalow

It’s getting a little chippy out there in Forum letters-to-the-editor land, regarding the delicious bovine’s monster recurring donation to the greenhouse gases mix. Miracle meat or not, cows and other farm animals emit methane. The kangaroo does not, I understand. And methane is 30 times more powerful than carbon dioxide as a heat-trapping gas. So, there’s that. Hell, in North …

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RON SCHALOW: White Male Victimization Anxiety Epidemic Fades

Posted on January 5, 2019 by Ron Schalow

So what happened to the women haters who had a crush on the rabidly unconventionally handsome Bret Kavanaugh and slithered into the slimy pits to smear a sexual assault survivor? Are they taking a break? The Men’s Rights Movement, a lot like the mildly obese Donald Trump finding too many pieces of chicken in the bucket, is back to a …

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RON SCHALOW: 2019 In Trump Years

Posted on January 2, 2019 by Ron Schalow

Later this month, Donald Trump tells Justin Trudeau to keep those low IQ Canada geese on his side of the loser border. “Or what?” asks the Prime Minister. “We’ll hit them with the tear gas, that’s what, junior. No, wait. I’ll have them lined up and shot. Did you hear that, Trudy? We’re going to shoot them with our guns. …

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RON SCHALOW: Three Blind Rodents And Other Things

Posted on December 13, 2018 by Ron Schalow

Most semi-sentient Americans with an Internet connection, or a library card, knew that Donald Trump has been a lying criminal National Enquirer sleazebag for decades. What a surprise to find out that goober doesn’t have a little president’s hat. Or functional cap. It is an impressive collection of hats, though. Every large inebriated polar bear I’ve ever met in a …

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RON SCHALOW: Does North Dakota Really Need Rob Port?

Posted on November 16, 2018November 16, 2018 by Ron Schalow

“Does North Dakota Really Need Democrats?” read Rob Port’s headline on the Fargo Forum’s Sayanythingblog. At first, I hoped he didn’t waste a lot of time coming up with that stupid question. Then I realized the Port is probably one of those stable geniuses who ask stupid questions. A game-changer. Let’s discuss this. First of all, is it Democrats like …

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RON SCHALOW: Blogger Without A Cause

Posted on November 14, 2018November 15, 2018 by Ron Schalow

“If Heidi Heitkamp loses, what is Forum columnist Rob Port going to write about over the next six years?” — Jim Shaw It’s always the kids who suffer the most unless they’re surrounded by metal chain-link fencing which is as insufferable as it gets according to senator to be Kevin Cramer an expert on child confinement for some reason. After six …

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RON SCHALOW: Super Crump Bred To Scare Gullible White People Out Of Their Bejeebers

Posted on October 27, 2018 by Ron Schalow

And some of their money. Bejeebers can be had for a small bag of low-quality spring garage sand. No dust will be accepted until further notice. GEORGE SOROS BUYS MONTANA!!! Kevin Cramer has sold himself as the thrift-sized Donald Trump. He has also taken the Cult45 oath and gently handed the rose to a forever blushing Donnie T. So there …

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RON SCHALOW: Forum Endorses Cramer, Apparently Under Duress

Posted on October 22, 2018October 22, 2018 by Ron Schalow

So, the Forum editorial board has decided that the 2019 Sears catalog cover boy, Kevin Cramer, is the best choice for the U.S. Senate, rather than the suspiciously superior Heidi Heitkamp. The decision is not a surprise. The board always find a way to placate ownership and endorse the Republican candidate. It’s their prerogative. Some poor sap had to type …

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RON SCHALOW: Lies, Lies And More Lies

Posted on October 17, 2018 by Ron Schalow

According to the almanac, this is Rob Port’s 715th Heitkamp lie, which I believe beats Basil Ruth’s record. Basil had good run, but was forced to join the circus last year. Rumor, from one of my anonymous sources, suggests that Port was smiling during the abduction but refuses to lift things. Anyway, Sen. Heidi Heitkamp ran an ad, an open …

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JIM FUGLIE: View From The Prairie — Could A Facebook Screwup Determine Control Of The U.S. Senate?

Posted on October 17, 2018November 28, 2018 by Jim Fuglie

Wouldn’t it be something if control of the U.S. Senate turned on a couple of misinterpreted Facebook posts by an overzealous supporter of an obscure senator from North Dakota named Heidi Heitkamp? Could happen. Heidi, who I would have rated last week as having at least a 50-50 chance of holding her seat in the Senate, is in big trouble. …

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RON SCHALOW: Why Do Kevin Cramer And Cronies Detest Females?

Posted on September 26, 2018September 26, 2018 by Ron Schalow

The regular Kevin Cramer hijinks and loathsome burbs is required writing because the belligerent stupidity is such great fun to opine. After the stomach stops churning. I mean his last gullet convulsing diatribe, on the attempted illegal something versus the completion of an illegal something equals Q was brilliant in it’s combative contempt for women, girls and sanity. I assume …

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RON SCHALOW: Puffy Prairie Portweasel Flip Flops On Pea-Brained POTUS

Posted on September 14, 2018 by Ron Schalow

When you’re the most influential political blogger in North Dakota — just ask him — a columnist for the mighty Forum Communications Company, reigning Miss Congeniality of the Sam Adams Alliance awards and winner of the Americans For Prosperity Award for Online Excellence, you’re always under tremendous pressure to come up with new and thought provoking ways to stick a …

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TOM DAVIES: The Verdict — With Friends Like This …

Posted on September 8, 2018September 8, 2018 by Tom Davies

With friends like U.S. Sen. Lindsay Graham, you don’t need enemies. The man is a political coward. While Sen. John McCain was alive, Graham could do nothing but sing his praises. But he did not criticize the president for his ill-conceived, illegitimate, lying comments about the late senator. The Coward in Chief was so petty that he originally would not …

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RON SCHALOW: The Congressman With The Chain-Link Head

Posted on June 22, 2018June 22, 2018 by Ron Schalow

When I was a youngster, chain-link fencing started to pop up on a few yards on south hill in Minot. I remember thinking, “Gosh, I hope no kids get trapped in there.” Then I saw the gate. They all had gates. What a relief. Easy egress. These were a noncage fences. Now, when I was at the zoo in Roosevelt …

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RON SCHALOW: American Horror Circus Arrival Imminent

Posted on June 17, 2018 by Ron Schalow

So, the well endowed Mar-a-Lago mermaid is coming to Fargo to scare the immigrants. That’s just perfect. Personally, I can feel an orange gelatin evil in the Force. And I’m not even one of those little green dudes. I’m just happy to know that Mark Hamill has enough cash to get by. Anyway, the Mar-a-Lago manatee will be in town …

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RON SCHALOW: Tears Of A Clown Lover

Posted on May 30, 2018 by Ron Schalow

Is the picture above worth a thousand words. Maybe. Kevin Cramer’s face is worth a thousand of something. “But Donnie brought me to the prom, and now he’s standing with that short red-headed vixen,” is likely what he was thinking. The photo was taken May 24, 2018. I’ll explain why that matters in a bit. Personally, I never want to …

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RON SCHALOW: Prevaricator Port — Featuring New Lies!

Posted on May 29, 2018May 29, 2018 by Ron Schalow

To review: Rob Port is a blogger. It’s his calling, I guess. And Port writes plenty of things that just aren’t so. Fictional, as the English language puts it. I assume he tells the same stories on the radio, but the pitch of his voice makes my toenails recede. Furthermore, Kevin Cramer’s loyal basset hound is not an expert on …

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RON SCHALOW: Cramer Mimics Trump — Lies Like a Pro

Posted on May 24, 2018 by Ron Schalow

It’s been quite an effing darn protracted loopy eon since “quick-draw” Kevin Cramer pushed all of his chips onto the fuzzy orange rectangle. Except for the one he ate. It was an odd casino. He’ll tell you that they were communion wafers. KC is religious, he’ll casually mention it, 3,000 times. But they were Cool Ranch Doritos, the most narcotic …

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TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Another Kerfuffle

Posted on May 15, 2018May 23, 2018 by Tony J Bender

I’d like to begin this week by saying, “That darn Heidi Heitkamp.” I’m referring, of course, to last week’s column in The Forum in which Mike McFeely ever-so-gently, in his curmudgeonly way, suggested that fellow columnist Rob Port might try writing about someone other than Heidi Heitkamp. Like maybe Joel Heitkamp. I mean, I ain’t exactly Sherlock Holmes, but if …

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RON SCHALOW: Poor Paranoid Lying Port

Posted on May 15, 2018 by Ron Schalow

My buddy, Rob Port, used the coveted space for his Sunday column to set up a hypothetical Festivus pole, air his grievances and sob over his keyboard. My sources say he paced in the hall for a solid 45 seconds before getting winded and falling into a heap of self-pity. The feats of strength portion of Festivus was canceled, due …

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RON SCHALOW: Port And Cramer — Making Collusion Fun Again

Posted on May 12, 2018May 12, 2018 by Ron Schalow

I bought a gizmo that is supposed to drive away vermin by emitting a super high-pitched sound. I wanted a herd of hard-partying ants on a sugar high to take a hike. Or take a long walk off a short pier, like my uncles used to tell me on a regular basis. It’s undignified to live with insects that strut …

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TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — From Soup To Nuts

Posted on April 18, 2018April 18, 2018 by Tony J Bender

I had a pretty good week. My lawyer, Sly M. Ball didn’t get raided, and his paper shredder is working just fine. It’s powered by a V-8 Cummins, which gets terrible mileage, but thanks to the rollback of fuel efficiency standards, he won’t have to deal with a solar-powered model. The problem there is twofold. First of all, most of …

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RON SCHALOW: Don’t Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor Or Anyone Huddled

Posted on January 31, 2018 by Ron Schalow

I don’t like to brag, but I’m not a white supremacist. I’m a pale pinkish beige, touch of gray, slight kale-green hue supremacist. Gray geese, they call the two of us in the press, although, honestly, they don’t pay any attention. Effing chromos, otherwise. Me, or I, except after c, and the other bloke in the mookie genus, Roy, are …

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RON SCHALOW: Port Whine, Part 4 — Failing Up

Posted on October 2, 2017 by Ron Schalow

Rob Port is hot, and not just because his defroster is stuck on high in the minivan, and certainly not due to any physical activity. The Forum Communications golden boy is moving on up to the east side of Minot, to the land of Oley, Roscoe and the stockyards. Or so I’ve heard. No one knows why. He’s a great …

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RON SCHALOW: The White Nationalist Next Door

Posted on August 29, 2017 by Ron Schalow

Several days after my birth, we were driving home, up the big Third Street hill in Minot, and I was listening to Eisenhower speechify on the radio. It was a bit staticy, but I remember it like it was just several minutes ago. Frankly, he was boring. President Ike was still in his first term and pledged to remain ever …

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RON SCHALOW: Nazis Wear Lederhosen And Dance Funny

Posted on August 21, 2017August 26, 2017 by Ron Schalow

While browsing through pictures of the racists who $#!* on Charlottesville, Va., and who misappropriated a perfectly innocent backyard implement for lighting ambiance and the repellent of some insects (for evil and poorly choreographed parading, which probably voided the damn warranty), I noticed a few things. This was the least superior gaggle of goose steppers that could have been scrounged up. …

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RON SCHALOW — If The Pillowcase Fits …

Posted on August 16, 2017August 16, 2017 by Ron Schalow

A few years ago, before the Fargo Forum’s Rob Port banned me from his brain cell-resistant Sayanything blog Facebook page, I found myself politely conversing, for my part, with a Grand Forks member of the III percent right-wing militia group. He cursed like a wet pirate with R-rated dagger wounds. I was soooo frightened, but I pulled myself together with …

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RON SCHALOW: Port Whine, Part 3 — Blusterbum

Posted on August 7, 2017 by Ron Schalow

It’s been a tough few weeks for North Dakota media star Rob Port. He was outed as an unwitting copy machine (an HP, I think) for the DAPL propaganda team. Voldeport has absolutely no idea which words he published to advance Energy Transfer Partners, and his pal Kelcy Warren’s, interests, were true, and which were false, and probably doesn’t care. …

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RON SCHALOW: Port Whine, Part 2

Posted on July 31, 2017 by Ron Schalow

In Port Whine Part 1, the Mediocre Years Continue; we learned that famed blogger for Forum Communications, Rob Port, is not a peachy guy, smears private citizens without a thought, happily publishes unsubstantiated propaganda and considers himself “one of the most consequential reporters/commentators in the state.” I consider myself a large ill-tempered racoon, with Vick’s VapoRub issues. Also, this series …

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RON SCHALOW: Port Whine, Part 1

Posted on July 25, 2017 by Ron Schalow

I’m not sure how many days since Rob Port, famed columnist, political pundit and radio personality was featured on the Forum’s front page, but I’m still blind in my left eye. Seriously, I was a little startled to see Port’s mug on the front page of the Fargo Forum, for more reasons than one. Port’s visage always makes me jump, …

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